Judd turns 3.

Monday 6th September 2010

I had a very emotional weekend.  Friday night I took the night off and drove into town to go birthday shopping for Judd as he was turning 3 on Saturday.  And since we couldn't have a party for him I thought I would spoil him a little with some cool fun toys.  It must be confusing for him being here so far away from all his friends and family.  I forget this all the time. But then I must not use it as an excuse for his naughty behaviour either.  He is becoming very cheeky and talks back with smart arse comments and the naughty spot is turning into a game for him.  Hopefully school sorts him out a bit. 
Anyway, I wanted to get him a special day and after hours of driving and shopping I headed home all pumped up with excitement and on a shopping high, I arrived home to Marcus who was in a tired and grumpy mood.  My shopping high turned into regret as he poo pooed how much money I spent (a mere $160) and pretended to want to watch a movie that 3 weeks ago he was bagging me for watching and saying how shit it was.  So I knew he was bullshitting me when he said "I am trying to watch the movie, Al".  I am not stupid, I know when someone has the shits.  So that began our cranky and argument filled weekend.  Judd, thankfully didn't pickup on it and he still had a lovely day and really enjoyed the presents I got for him. 
Come Saturday night I was itching to sit down and have it out with Marcus, but I had worked myself up so much during the day, that I felt silence and sleep would better serve us.  I didn't trust myself not to say something I would regret later.  Thankfully this option worked and Sunday we headed to the beach and after a relaxing afternoon of swimming and laying under the beach umbrellas we had a few beers and got to talking.  We both listened and agreed that we needed to make some more compromises when it comes to our relationship.  I need more romance and special one on one treatment and he needs less nagging and arguments and for me to start feeling more confident about myself again.  All I agreed with. I know I have lost part of me over the last few years.  I gained weight with the kids, I stopped having fun, I got cranky and stressed out.  He changed too, its not all just me, but at least we both can see how much we each have changed since those early years when we first started going out and we both want to work on it.

It is always uplifting after a big talk, even after small talks.  To get those little things off your chest and out into the open.  Its the little things I believe that eat you up and turn into huge, insurmountable situations that sometimes cannot be worked out.  I like to get it out, but the problem for me is that I am married to a man who does not like to talk unless the mood strikes him, and that is rarely.  So I feel like I am the physco wife who always wants to "talk it out" and says things like "why don't you listen to me?  And look at me when I am talking to you, not at the television".  But I ask, aren't all marriages like this?

That is one of the main underlying reasons we felt that this trip to Thailand would benefit us.  To break away from the groundhog day that was enveloping our lives, to put some fun and excitement back in and to stop just being a husband and wife and a mum and dad and to find something more, something different that sets us apart from everyone else.  Something that we can build on for our future together.  And I guess since we have arrived here it has been stressful and hard, but I know that once we settle into our new home and Judd starts school and we start to learn more and get around more that we will stop being tourists and become expats and really start living life here.