Judd got a new bike. Marcus and I decided that we needed to get Judd off the couch and outside so we went out and bought him a bike. Even though he has one back home we figure he can get a year or two out of this one and then we can give it away to another family we it is time to go home. We got a shock when we got him home and he hopped straight on and started riding it around and around in circles. 2 months ago when he tried to ride his other bike he could barely push the peddles around, now he is super confident and riding around like a pro. Every day this week we have taken the bike out for a ride while I push Lillie in the pram. It is much easier. Judd hates to walk anywhere and always wants to be carried or ride in the pram. At least now we can all walk together without crying and whinging. Our village is really lovely and quiet to walk the streets at night. Marcus takes Lillie out every night while she drinks her bed time bottle, he loves the peace. It feels very safe too as there are about 4 guards on the main corners every night keeping watch.
I looked at Judd riding yesterday and realised how much he has grown up. He isn't a baby anymore, he isn't even a toddler. He is a 3 year old boy who can speak full conversations and dress himself, go to the toilet by himself, get himself a drink or food out of the fridge and ride a big boy bike (of course with training wheels). Also we took his swim vest off him on the weekend and he showed us he can swim with just his floaties and keep his head out of the water with absolute ease. And next month he will start school 3 days a week (5 days if I want him to) and wear a uniform and learn to speak Thai and all sorts of wonderful things.
I am realising that those hard years of baby and toddler are moving quickly behind us and pretty soon I will be at that point that my friends talk about where all of a sudden they stop being hard work and become little self sufficient humans. As much as I complain and whinge about how stressful being a mother can be, I don't think I am ready for that.
It is also a sign that time is moving on for me too, in 2 months I will turn 30. Not too sure how well I am going to take it. I never used to be bothered with birthdays or getting older, but that was because I was always able to say I was still in my twenties and my girlfriends who are all a few years ahead of me would all sigh. Now I understand that sigh, it is a sigh for a lost youth. No one really wants to grow up, do they? Do we really want to admit to having all these huge responsibilities and burdens? When I was younger all I could dream about was being older and grown up and having all the wonderful things that come with it, but now in hindsight I regret not being more crazy and reckless and carefree.
But here I go again, looking into the past wishing for different choices or looking into the future with shaded eyes scared of what I might see.
Again I ask, why can't I just live in the moment and be happy about where my life choices have brought me?
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