Frustration

Oh I am so frustrated with everything. Especially myself. I make all these empty promises to myself and break them within moments of making it. I said today that I wouldn't drink anymore energy drinks, yet within 30 Min's I had bought one, justifying it to myself with some petty excuse. The same goes for eating junk like chocolate and McDonald's. I mean I don't eat it everyday, but I do eat more than I should.

I found some old pictures of me from 9 years ago and wonder where that girl is today? Not the personality part, because I much prefer my character now to then. But the body shape, size etc. I know, I know, I cant compare my 21 yr old body to my 29yr old body after 2 babies, but there are heaps of women out there who have had kids and haven't stacked on the weight. I used my pregnancies as an excuse to eat too much and indulge. Now I am paying the price, being stuck in very bad habits and routine which I find very hard to break.
What is it going to take to snap me out of these unhealthy, bad habits? Because I obviously don't have the will power!

Although I will credit myself with something: I started running a few weeks back (something I haven't done, ever). And I surprised myself with a couple of things.
1. the distance I could do first try, 1 whole kilometer! and
2. I didn't pee my pants!
For all those who have had a couple of kids know exactly what I am talking about. I was so happy! I actually enjoy running, pushing myself that extra bit every day til now I can do 2 1/2 kms. I know its not much but its a start and I am proud of it. I need to find the time to do it more than once a week. I can use it as a start to begin training for a longer run, a fun run or half marathon would be an achievement.
Maybe once I get into a bit more I can use it to start changing all my bad eating habits as well, rather than trying to go cold turkey in one day.

Ah we will see. I am up and down like a yo yo!