We had a great weekend, Saturday. Spent a nice day with the kids then arranged for the maid to babysit while we took some much needed mummy and daddy time to go out for dinner and a spot of shopping. We went to a Mexican restaurant in town and did a bit of people watching then off to a new night market down the street to see if we could pick up some bargains but unfortunately it was just the same old overpriced copies for sale repeated in each isle. Afterwards we topped of the evening each getting a lovely foot massage. We were supposed to go to a friends going away party afterwards but my energy levels in the evening are pretty much sapped by 10pm, so we headed home.
Sunday we packed up the kids and some food and headed up to Bangkok for the Bangkok Tens Rugby Tournament that Marcus' rugby team was signed up for. We of course missed our turn off and got lost but made it just in time for the start of the first game. There was another family there with a boy and girl the same ages as Lillie and Judd so they all played all afternoon, non stop. Thankfully it wasn't too hot and occasionally a cool breeze would blow through to cool us off. We had a great day and on the drive home I started to talk about some of the thoughts that I have been having lately, especially after great weekends like this one, that maybe we made our decision to leave Thailand too soon. I have been thinking that maybe we should have thought about it longer and assessed the situation more. But these thoughts only occur after a weekend of family fun and activities, during the week when I am mostly alone with nothing to do I fixate on all the frustrating and negative aspects of living overseas and work myself up into such a state that come Friday I am emotionally exhausted.
Take last night for instance, here we are coming off such a good weekend, and we talked about the options we have for possibly staying then BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM comes the extremely loud music from across the street and by the time I get the kids into bed and off to sleep and am looking forward to some nice quiet time on the couch with my husband the music gets louder and louder that I eventually take the dog for a walk to try and see just exactly where it is all coming from. It turns out one of the little shops across from our village had 4 Thai men sitting out the front drinking beer or scotch with 4 BIG speakers, you know the ones the local DJ's use when playing at parties, these speakers were set up with little flashing party lights all over them and pointed out towards the street rather than turned in towards their shop and to where they were sitting like they thought the rest of the world wanted to join their party. Blaring out was this terrible Thai music with such a loud Bass that it reverberated through your body. All that just for 4 men having a beer.
I was secretly hoping it was a neighbour in the village so I could maybe ask politely if they could turn it down, but unfortunately it wasn't. I walked back home and tried to push the noise out of my mind, I tried ear plugs as I went to bed but it was so loud that they didn't even work, I tried some simple meditation to try and trick my brain into ignoring it and in the end I put my Ipod on with an audio book to give me something to focus on as I tried to sleep. Thankfully someone must have told them to shut it all up as by the time Marcus came to bed it had been turned off but unfortunately the damage was done and my nights sleep was fitful and painful as my belly has become increasingly uncomfortable and the pains in my back and hips become unbearable.
So by the time we got up this morning my mind was 100% decided that we are leaving Thailand and it wouldn't bother me if we never came back, not even for a holiday. As I have said before, there is a huge difference between being a tourist in a foreign country and being a resident.
I made myself feel better today though by setting up some baby equipment I bought second hand off a neighbour, a cute little baby rocker, a musical mobile and a great electric breast pump as I plan to breast feed as long as I can and not give up as easily as I did with the other 2. I also was given a lovely baby swing by another friend who is leaving Thailand and so now I am pretty much set. I am sure I am forgetting something necessary and important but I don't want to go overboard on buying things as we will only have the baby in Thailand for 3 months then we will be home in Melbourne where we will have access to all of my baby stuff in storage. Only 10 more weeks to go before our little boy arrives and now it is getting so much closer I am really starting to get excited and so is Marcus. And I might add the baby will give me something to focus on instead of all the crappy things that happen (or don't happen) in my not so eventful days.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A brand new day
Yesterday was a very negative and boring day. It started out as normal with getting the kids fed, dressed and off to school. A busy but productive hour and a half. I then popped into town for a quick grocery shop, paid some bills and was home by 10:00am. It was all down hill from there. I realised once I got home that I had nothing to do, no cleaning as the maid had been the day before, no washing or ironing. The kids toys were tidied and put away. I had no emails to read or respond to and Facebook was giving me nothing interesting to read either. I ended up doing what I usually do on these days which are all too frequent and put on a DVD and hit the couch for about 4 hours! Come on, 4 hours! By the time the kids came home from school I was so brain dead and lethargic I didn't even have the energy to get active with them and it was even worse by the time Marcus got home and he caught the brunt of it. Thankfully dinner got served without too much screaming and I realised that there was a game of netball on that night that some friends of mine had put together so I made the effort to get dressed and hitch a ride with a friend to go and watch and it was exactly what I needed. To get out of the house, to talk to some people (other than my kids) and I even umpired a quarter to help out. A few beers (the girls had not pregnant me) on the road afterwards at a tiny bar not far from our village and I came home feeling much more positive and in a much happier mood. Thankfully Marcus was still awake and was willing to listen to me talk it all out.
I can't imagine what it must be like for some women I hear about who are new to expat life who have gone almost a whole year without meeting any friends or socialising with anyone, I go crazy after just a few days of being housebound. It isn't good for a person to be so secluded, we need and crave interaction with other adults and benefit greatly from it and our families benefit from it too. It has made me start to think that I will need to update my qualifications and learn some new skills so that when this new baby is old enough I can start thinking about working again, nothing full time as I want to be able to take and pick them up from school but something that gets my brain working again and gives me something else to think about instead of obsessing over such trivial matters, which I have been doing alot of lately.
So this morning I woke up feeling much more chipper and ready to get out and begin the day. After dropping the kids off at school I headed into town to meet some friends for breakfast and coffees and as luck would have it I even got to do some shopping at the new Gap store and much to my delight found some T-shits that were made of light cool cotton and were a big enough size to cover my ever expanding belly. So of course I bought 5. I have learnt form living here in Pattaya that if you see something you like or fits well GRAB IT or else it wont be there next time.
As I headed home I impulsively dropped into our local massage parlour and got a lovely hour long foot massage. I must say it was one of the best ones I have had so far, I even felt obliged to tip her more than normal. Then once at home since it is such a hot and sweaty day and my legs were still all oily from the massage I popped into my pool for a quick dip to cool off.
So today is turning out to be a much better day than yesterday and I think the trick is to constantly remind myself of all the perks that living in Thailand has and to take advantage of them while we are still here, because once we are back home on Aussie soil the weekly massages and nights out will come to a immediate halt. I wonder if I will be able to find a nice cheap Thai massage parlour in Melbourne and sneak a few foot massages in here and there?
I can't imagine what it must be like for some women I hear about who are new to expat life who have gone almost a whole year without meeting any friends or socialising with anyone, I go crazy after just a few days of being housebound. It isn't good for a person to be so secluded, we need and crave interaction with other adults and benefit greatly from it and our families benefit from it too. It has made me start to think that I will need to update my qualifications and learn some new skills so that when this new baby is old enough I can start thinking about working again, nothing full time as I want to be able to take and pick them up from school but something that gets my brain working again and gives me something else to think about instead of obsessing over such trivial matters, which I have been doing alot of lately.
So this morning I woke up feeling much more chipper and ready to get out and begin the day. After dropping the kids off at school I headed into town to meet some friends for breakfast and coffees and as luck would have it I even got to do some shopping at the new Gap store and much to my delight found some T-shits that were made of light cool cotton and were a big enough size to cover my ever expanding belly. So of course I bought 5. I have learnt form living here in Pattaya that if you see something you like or fits well GRAB IT or else it wont be there next time.
As I headed home I impulsively dropped into our local massage parlour and got a lovely hour long foot massage. I must say it was one of the best ones I have had so far, I even felt obliged to tip her more than normal. Then once at home since it is such a hot and sweaty day and my legs were still all oily from the massage I popped into my pool for a quick dip to cool off.
So today is turning out to be a much better day than yesterday and I think the trick is to constantly remind myself of all the perks that living in Thailand has and to take advantage of them while we are still here, because once we are back home on Aussie soil the weekly massages and nights out will come to a immediate halt. I wonder if I will be able to find a nice cheap Thai massage parlour in Melbourne and sneak a few foot massages in here and there?
Friday, February 3, 2012
We are outa here!
Living in Thailand for our family looks to be coming to an end. Marcus has accepted a new job with his company back in Melbourne for which I am very grateful. 2 years is long enough to live away from home. It is hard to explain to people who aren't expatriates how difficult it can be. Alot of people must think "what a whinger, living in Thailand and complaining about it" but imagine being away from all you know and love and being in a country not as a tourist but as a resident. Not speaking the language isn't as much of a drama unless I need to deal with someone who doesn't speak English very well and to be honest it is only occasionally as I tend to avoid situations that would require me to interact with locals and it's shame because it has stopped me from really experiencing the "real" Thailand. I and many of the other wives I have met all admit to living in a bubble, a little world in which we wake up, kids to school, go to the gym, go shopping then back home to hours of idleness until its time to pick the kids up again. This probably doesn't sound much different to some stay at home mums lives back in Australia but most mums back in Australia don't have full time maids that wash, clean and even nanny for them which gives wives over here so much more extra time in their days and absolutely nothing to do with it. A few ladies I know only have a maid once or twice a week in order to give them something to do around the house, I know I have my maid 2 days a week but still for such a small house it doesn't leave much for me to do anyway.
Initially I had ideas to go and volunteer with charities and study the new language and take up hobbies such as yoga, music and meditation. None of this I have done, the charity part I tried but couldn't find the strength to be around the orphans and abandoned babies, I can barely cope with looking at the stray dogs in the street. A few ladies I know volunteer their time and they also admit it is extremely hard, they want to take all the little kids begging for cuddles home to love and care for but it just cannot happen. A woman I met the other night told a story of how she was in the children's home to volunteer some of her time to help and a young Thai woman came in with a 1 week old baby girl to give up, just hand her over and walk away. Apparently there are several types of children's homes here in Thailand, there is the home where a woman can give up her baby for the first 5 years of its life and then return to take it back (if they so choose to), then there is the type where a mother can give up her baby but still have control in what type of family the baby can be adopted out to, she gets final say and sign off on the adoption and finally there is the type where a mother can walk in and completely give up all parental rights and walk away. The home where my friend helps out in has 3 Thai ladies looking after 25, that's right, 25 children ranging from new borns to 6 years old and older. New born babies have a nappy folded on their chest and a bottle of formula propped up in their mouths as they lay in their cots in a row. The staff admit to not cuddling the babies or children as it makes the children want it more and more and they simply cannot cuddle and work with that many children at once so they avoid most physical contact. They rely on volunteers to come and cuddle and play to interact with the kids. Imagine being a child and growing up without a mothers love and affection, I just cannot bear the thought.
I am not sure where our friends back in Australia think we live, maybe a normal suburb like they do back at home but its not the case. Yes we live in a "village" walls and security but to the left and the right are various types of dwellings, rows of shops where the owners live and sleep on mattresses in the back, a few houses but mostly there are what we call "shack people" where they have pushed up a few corrugated iron sheets as walls and a roof and live within and pray it doesn't blow away or wash away in the next down pour. There can be super rich looking houses and villages randomly scattered around Pattaya but right next door is still the little shack with 3 generations of Thai family living inside.
So my point is the reminder of poverty is always there, just driving into town is a constant reminder that this is a third world country, admittedly its not Cambodia or Burma but it is still third world and there are still families living in the rubbish dumps collecting recycling to cash in. Even my maid who works 5 days a week cleaning different houses collects our recycling to cash in for extra money. I saw her rummaging through our rubbish bags on her first day so now I keep a special box out the back to collect it all through the week. There is a guilty feeling that lingers with me and may stay with me, that we can be so fortunate and they aren't, it is a difficult thing to deal with.
Some people think of Thailand and think "paradise", I am not sure yet what I am going to think. When I look back on our time here in Thailand, there have been great experiences and some eye opening experiences.
I know that when I think about going home to Melbourne I get excited and happy and a sense of relief washes over me and I just cannot wait to get on that plane.
I have told the children that we are going home soon and even when we announced that we had to give away our little dog Sticker II Judd and Lillie both understood and didn't fight against it. I am sad she had to go but since our friend in America is no longer there we had no other option than to re home her. The price to send her to Australia was astronomical and also the time she would have had to spend in a cage was unfair. She is now with a lovely Korean family who plan to keep her and even take her back to Korea with them and possibly onto Australia if they get working visas. Korea is a approved country so the time she spends there will dramatically reduce her kennel time from 7 months to 1 month quarantine. Marcus works with the Korean father who took her and he gives him daily updates on how she has settled and they are all very happy with her as their new pet. I miss her company dearly but I know deep down it is for best.
So now our challenge is to see all the places in Thailand that were on our visit list, have a baby, buy a new house in Melbourne, pack up this house (actually pay the removalists to pack up this house) and get organised to get us on home soil by August. Plenty to do and lots of emotions to deal with as well. It is going to be a busy 2012.
Initially I had ideas to go and volunteer with charities and study the new language and take up hobbies such as yoga, music and meditation. None of this I have done, the charity part I tried but couldn't find the strength to be around the orphans and abandoned babies, I can barely cope with looking at the stray dogs in the street. A few ladies I know volunteer their time and they also admit it is extremely hard, they want to take all the little kids begging for cuddles home to love and care for but it just cannot happen. A woman I met the other night told a story of how she was in the children's home to volunteer some of her time to help and a young Thai woman came in with a 1 week old baby girl to give up, just hand her over and walk away. Apparently there are several types of children's homes here in Thailand, there is the home where a woman can give up her baby for the first 5 years of its life and then return to take it back (if they so choose to), then there is the type where a mother can give up her baby but still have control in what type of family the baby can be adopted out to, she gets final say and sign off on the adoption and finally there is the type where a mother can walk in and completely give up all parental rights and walk away. The home where my friend helps out in has 3 Thai ladies looking after 25, that's right, 25 children ranging from new borns to 6 years old and older. New born babies have a nappy folded on their chest and a bottle of formula propped up in their mouths as they lay in their cots in a row. The staff admit to not cuddling the babies or children as it makes the children want it more and more and they simply cannot cuddle and work with that many children at once so they avoid most physical contact. They rely on volunteers to come and cuddle and play to interact with the kids. Imagine being a child and growing up without a mothers love and affection, I just cannot bear the thought.
I am not sure where our friends back in Australia think we live, maybe a normal suburb like they do back at home but its not the case. Yes we live in a "village" walls and security but to the left and the right are various types of dwellings, rows of shops where the owners live and sleep on mattresses in the back, a few houses but mostly there are what we call "shack people" where they have pushed up a few corrugated iron sheets as walls and a roof and live within and pray it doesn't blow away or wash away in the next down pour. There can be super rich looking houses and villages randomly scattered around Pattaya but right next door is still the little shack with 3 generations of Thai family living inside.
So my point is the reminder of poverty is always there, just driving into town is a constant reminder that this is a third world country, admittedly its not Cambodia or Burma but it is still third world and there are still families living in the rubbish dumps collecting recycling to cash in. Even my maid who works 5 days a week cleaning different houses collects our recycling to cash in for extra money. I saw her rummaging through our rubbish bags on her first day so now I keep a special box out the back to collect it all through the week. There is a guilty feeling that lingers with me and may stay with me, that we can be so fortunate and they aren't, it is a difficult thing to deal with.
Some people think of Thailand and think "paradise", I am not sure yet what I am going to think. When I look back on our time here in Thailand, there have been great experiences and some eye opening experiences.
I know that when I think about going home to Melbourne I get excited and happy and a sense of relief washes over me and I just cannot wait to get on that plane.
I have told the children that we are going home soon and even when we announced that we had to give away our little dog Sticker II Judd and Lillie both understood and didn't fight against it. I am sad she had to go but since our friend in America is no longer there we had no other option than to re home her. The price to send her to Australia was astronomical and also the time she would have had to spend in a cage was unfair. She is now with a lovely Korean family who plan to keep her and even take her back to Korea with them and possibly onto Australia if they get working visas. Korea is a approved country so the time she spends there will dramatically reduce her kennel time from 7 months to 1 month quarantine. Marcus works with the Korean father who took her and he gives him daily updates on how she has settled and they are all very happy with her as their new pet. I miss her company dearly but I know deep down it is for best.
So now our challenge is to see all the places in Thailand that were on our visit list, have a baby, buy a new house in Melbourne, pack up this house (actually pay the removalists to pack up this house) and get organised to get us on home soil by August. Plenty to do and lots of emotions to deal with as well. It is going to be a busy 2012.
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