Well today I attempted to get the kids out of the house and into town for some supplies. Not a good idea. I am still not better from being sick yesterday and my stomach cramps up often (luckily that is all) but combine the pain with the intense heat and sweating and you get a very, very cranky and short tempered mommy. I really tried not to nag Judd today, but he constantly ignores me and disappears behind racks and makes me stop and search for him. I just wish he would listen and do what I ask the first time, not after I ask 5 times then lose my patience and snap and yell at him and threaten with the naughty spot or a smack. I hate the sound of my own voice sometimes. I also hate having to snap at him at the shops, the Thais look at me like I am a big cranky white monster who yells and frowns all the time. My whole intention of making this trip was to learn to relax, take more time to play and teach the kids and to just plain chill out. But I didn't take into consideration the cabin fever we all would get being stuck so far from civilisation and sunlight in this apartment. It is all too hard to head down to the pool, there is no play area for Lillie and no pool fence so she just walks straight into the water. This is not a child friendly place, in fact none of Thailand, that I have seen, is child friendly. Even their high chairs at the restaurants are just small stools with no straps. Lillie nearly cracked her head on a table the other day when she pushed on the table and rocked the stool away. It was dumb luck that I caught her just before she fell. Gave me a heart attack. There are no ramps for prams, the sidewalks are full of holes and very narrow. The pram always gets stuck. Now I know why the Thais mostly only have one kid, its too hard to get around this place with any more than that.
I am also breaking all my rules of parenting since being here. I took them on the back of a "truck bus" on Koh Samet, something I swore I never would do. But we had no choice as it was the only mode of transportation on the island, that or a motorbike. Today I took Lillie in the pram down an stair escalator, balancing on 2 wheels trying not to drop her while I sent Judd down by himself, praying he wouldn't fall. The escalators here are really fast compared to at home, you have to jump on and off real quick, and too bad if you are in a wheelchair, you just miss out.
Basically after this morning I was hating this place and really wanting to pack it in and fly back to Melbourne where the temperatures are normal and I don't break into a sweat opening a car door.
But, luckily when I got home there was a nice email from a play center I was told about inviting me to bring Judd and Lillie to a play group tomorrow for a few hours. Its not very cheap but I don't mind as long as it gets us out of this apartment and entertains the kids for a bit. I also heard back form a kindergarten to go and have a look. I think it would be a good idea to create a play routine for us so everyday we have somewhere to go (other than the supermarkets) and along the way make some new friends. Otherwise this trip may end before it even starts.
My other dilemma today is coming to terms with what my role is over here. I don't have anything to do, the cleaners come everyday, most of the laundry is done for me and we don't cook any meals here. Something I am over, all I want to do is cook a nice meal for the family and sit at our dining table and eat it peacefully. When we eat at the restaurant the kids run around like mad, I can't yell at them as the staff will think I am a physco bitch, and we are always the only people eating there. The other tenants here are all single men, who either work late or eat off the streets (where it is way cheaper) but not convenient for us. I am quite intimidated by all the food markets and vendors, I have no idea what to buy or ask for or what I would end up eating and I can't bear to get sick again.
When I was in Melbourne I had a firm idea of what my role was as mother and wife, but over here most of my duties have been removed and I am feeling a bit lost. The simple act of finding some books for Judd to read or some learning toys for Lillie is really difficult. I may have gotten myself a car and learnt where a few shops were, but really I have absolutely no idea of where anything is. I think I need to enrol myself into a Thai Language school and start learning the language, if I can break that barrier it will make it easier to ask simple things like "fill up the petrol tank please" and "where can I buy English books?"
Before I left I wanted to learn but I was told by many people that there are enough people here that know enough English for me to get by. That may be true if you are living in a tourist town or island like Phuket or Bangkok, but not out here. The further you get form town the less English is spoken and more and more we realise how alone we really are. I mean I wouldn't even know how to ask for help if I broke down, or who to call. Things we take for granted at home become real challenges here.
It has been suggested we get a nanny, but if I don't have anything to do now, imagine how bored I would be if I had someone doing all of my mothering as well!
I feel a huge dose of Culture Shock coming on, I best brace myself and Marcus better look out too as he will be the one to cop it.
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