12 Months gone by in a blur.....

On Sunday 24th July 2011 we had our 1 year anniversary for living in Thailand as expats.  When I think back to those first weeks here it now seems like such a blur and a distant memory.  It makes me glad that I started this blog to record and remember all of those emotions and first time experiences.  I also thank my loyal girlfriends and family who have followed my blog and have joined us on this journey, I appreciate the friendship and support and here's to writing about the next 12 months, I wonder what Thailand has in store for us.

Not only did we have our anniversary but we also had a couple of important events happen this past week as well.  Firstly I got to inspect the house that we like that is down the street from our current place.  It is similar in size, maybe smaller with only 2 bathrooms instead of 3 ( as if we need 3 bathrooms) and it has a lovely pool and a really nicely landscaped yard with lots of little extras inside and around that our current house doesn't have.  I also got to meet the owner of the property, at first she came off as very snobby and aloof and made me feel like I should have dressed up in my finest attire to inspect her house.  She made it very clear that she doesn't like mess and she expected us to keep the house as clean as possible at all times and she even went as far as to say that she wanted her maid to work for me instead of the one I have now.  I was stupid enough not to think quickly and agreed to this suggestion which then caused me 4 days of constant stress and unease.  I did like her maid, she was very particular and clean but I had a gut feeling that she would also be there as a spy making sure we didn't break anything or damage any part of the house.  I also felt really guilty at the thought of sacking my current maid Juk who has given me no reason or cause to warrant losing her job and she didn't deserve to get fired just because I was too spineless to stand up to this pushy Thai woman.  I cannot tell you how much I stressed over this small detail and it wasn't until I read a passage in a book that I am reading - Sarah Palin's autobiography, Going Rogue - in which she said that she must be the person to live with her decisions and abide by the consequences of her actions and this rang so true with me that I then and there decided to stand my ground with this woman and tell her that I will not use her maid and will continue to keep mine as she is good and the kids are relaxed and comfortable with having her around.  As soon as I made this firm in my mind I felt at ease again.  We had scheduled a meeting with her and the agent for Sunday to sign the lease and pay the security deposit and when she arrived she had on that same snobby attitude from the previous day, not to mention the same outfit.  She went over the contract like she had never seen one before (she owns 4 rental properties within the SP villages so I know she knows how to read a lease) and then she had some questions or rather rules that she wanted to inform us on.  Firstly she wanted to tell us that we must allow the Pesticide guy to come in a spray for termites once a month.  This Marcus agreed to but I still have reservations.  I don't like using sprays of any kind around my kids let alone a fine powder that will fill their nostrils.  I think I will jus tell the man to bugger off when he does come by as I am not comfortable at all with having chemicals sprayed where my children live, eat and sleep.  The second rule was that she didn't want the puppy inside the house WTF?  I told her on the day of the inspection that I had a dog and asked her if it would be an issue and she said no it was fine.  To this new rule I flat out refused to agree to and told her that if she didn't want the puppy inside the house then she should find someone else to lease her house to.  She then proceeded to sit there and "think" about it for about 10 minutes at which point I went to care for the kids as I needed to walk away from the table and by the time I came back she had told Marcus that he was a "very sexy man" and agreed to sign the lease.
I just hope she isn't a pain in my ass and bothers me about small details and I just hope that I can relax enough in this house to make it feel like home rather than living in my grandmas house full of antiques and fragile china.  Marcus obviously doesn't care and isn't bothered by her meticulous nature but something about her niggled at me that she is devious. 
Don't get me wrong I am over the moon we got this house as houses within this village that are single story and have swimming pools are like hens teeth and we are so lucky we get to stay in a village that we have come to know well and feel safe in.  Also I look forward to sitting by the pool with the kids and Marcus having a nice glass of wine watching them swim and play.

The second thing that happened this week was I enrolled Lillie into Judd's Kindergarten.  I know she is still so young but it is more like a childcare than a kindergarten for kids her age.  I mean yes she wears a uniform, which by the way is bloody adorable on her, and she will have lessons to learn but they are all activity based and fun.  I picked up her school backpack and uniform today and she got to try it on for me, she seemed like such a big girl and was so proud of her new dress.  She also got a nightie to wear at nap time which has cute little flowers on it.  She will start on Monday and just do a week or 2 of half days and then when she is settled and comfortable with her teachers I will change her to 3 full days per week.  I still have to pay a full semester for 5 days per week but it is still way cheaper than all of the other international schools and the ladies don't mind if she doesn't come everyday.  My hope is that she will learn to play and socialise with other children better as we live a fairly solitary life over here and we don't get out much to play dates or parties and I think school will be very good for her.  I also look forward to having some much needed time to myself, I plan to go to the gym, do any grocery shopping or run any errands and also squeeze in some much needed lunch dates with my friends whom I never get to see much anymore and since I only have a handful of people I can call friends it is important that I make the time and effort to see them more.

So we have had a good week, busy and productive and I look forward now to our next 12 months here in Thailand.  I cannot believe it has been 1 year already, how time flys.  I can see now how alot of people decide to stay on longer and longer because as the time rolls on the Thai lifestyle or the expat Thai lifestyle becomes very easy to get used to.

Long Weekend in Thailand

Friday was Asahna Bucha Day and Saturday was Buddhist Lend Day.  Asahna Day was when Buddha gave his first sermon in a deer park at Benares India over 2500 years ago.  It is a day when Buddhists "make merit" and visit a local temple.  Traditionally candles were amongst the majority of items given on this day as there was no electricity back then and extra candles were needed in order to see out the long, wet and darker days and nights.  Judd's school asked us to donate candles last week in order for them to take to the Wat on Friday.  Saturday was also the beginning of a 3 month Buddhist Lent.  I have been told that devout Buddhists will not drink any alcohol during this time.  Both Friday and Saturday were "dry days" here in Thailand where no alcohol was permitted to be sold so if you hadn't stocked up prior then you were "left out to dry" so to speak.  However there is always a loop hole and after speaking with a couple of people I easily discover that there are some restaurants and bars that shut their doors but stay open serving out the back.  There is a local we eat at often that was doing exactly that on Saturday evening when I went to collect our dinner.  They weren't serving in the restaurant but were directing their customers around the back of the bar out of sight of the street where the party was in full swing.  It's funny when people are restricted from drinking or at least buying alcohol for a mere 2 days they seek ways of doing it anyway.  Now it wasn't the Thais I saw hiding out the back it was all Western men and their bar girls, the Thais are obviously smart enough to buy earlier in the week.  I imagine it would be annoying if I was a tourist here on holiday to be told I couldn't buy a cocktail on my holiday and the streets in town looked awfully quiet and sad with all the bars closed and the bar girls off work for the night.



View from the hill at Nong Nooch Gardens




Thai Cultural Show

 Friday we spent hanging out at home, swimming and enjoying the warm and dry weather.  Saturday we took the kids to a botanical garden called Nong Nooch (pronounced Nong Noot) as I was politely informed yesterday at dinner.  It is a wonderful place that we all enjoyed.  There were small animal attractions, rare birds in small cages, drugged Tigers posing for pictures and Elephant rides but the best parts was the Thai Cultural Show which displayed Thai dancing, Thai boxing, sword fighting and even traditional Elephant fighting where the Elephants are rode into battle with the warriors sitting on their heads with super long swords (more like machetes) tyring to either maim or kill their opponent.  Of course it was all show and the Elephants weren't in any danger of being harmed and it made an awesome show especially for the kids.  They really liked it when the Elephants came out at the end to dance and blow their trumpets.

After the show we had lunch then took sight seeing tour bus around the park to different types of temples, gardens and maze like areas with statues and traditional buildings everywhere.  I don't know what they were called exactly as the tour guide spoke in Thai but they were sure nice to look at.  We got some lovely photos too.
On the way out we stopped to show Judd the huge statues of Mammoths in a garden.  He loved it as he is really into Dinosaurs and those sorts of creatures at the moment.  Then of course we stopped by the Elephants on the way out to feed them some bananas.  Judd also loves Elephants, so does Lillie but she wont go near them.  Judd was so brave standing right near one feeding her.  I just love to touch them, their skin is amazing.  As we walked about the park I found it fascinating that the Elephants giving the rides would be walking right through the centre where all the tourists walked about and ate lunch, people just walked right next to them and around them without the slightest bit of amazement that this huge animal that had the potential to kill most of them with its massive foot should it decided to get angry.  I mean Lillie and I were walking right behind one for some time as it was too wide to pass, I was just praying it wouldn't decided to poo on my feet.  Never in Australia would you see a fully grown Elephant wandering around Melbourne Zoo while its mahout hung back having a cigarette barely paying any attention and while children scampered around yelling and playing.

We ended the day at about 3pm and of course the kids fell asleep instantly, as we arrived home I popped in to see the manager of our village in his office to ask if he had any houses for rent with a swimming pool that we could look at.  We have been discussing lately about whether or not we want to move to a different house and whether or not we were ready to have a pool for the kids.  The only problem was that we really like our village and we have come to get to know people here and we feel safe with the guards and the park and lake are so pretty to take the kids up to play.  Not many villages have what we have here and not many are maintained as well as this one is either.  So luckily we did get to look at a couple of houses but one was a 2 story that we definitely didn't want as we want the kids to run freely about the house and not be restricted by stairs or balustrades or for us to stress about them falling down or over the balconies.  The other didn't have a pool as yet but he said he could put one in for us no problem but the house itself was too small.  So we ended the day not sure if we would have to leave the village or resign ourselves to staying in this house minus a pool.

Marcus headed into town that afternoon to sign up for a marathon and what should have been less than a 2 hour trip in and out turned out to take nearly 4 hours as the city was so busy with tourists here for the long weekend.  It took him 45 minutes to get to Central then when he went to leave they had double parked so many cars into the multi story car park that once he reversed out of his car space he literally could not move another meter as the traffic has piled up so much that he was stuck on the 6th floor and it took him 3 hours to get out!  I kept called him to see what was happening and he sounded so frustrated.  The car park people just kept on letting people in and the whole building got completely jammed up plus as he tried to reverse out of his space some idiot had pushed a metal box up against his car and he didn't see it and scratched a huge gash down the side of our rental car that we were supposed to be returning the very next day.  What a mess, thank god we didn't all go in together, imagine being stuck in the car with 2 tired kids for 3 hours unable to move and some wanker a few cars back keeps honking his horn!  OMG!  NO thank you.

On Sunday our friend at the office called to say he had a house up the road from us in our village that will be vacant in September and it has a pool and is the same size as our current house.  Of course we jumped on it but we had a bit of a problem negotiating rent and pool maintenance.  It turns out to be alot more expensive than what we pay here and we have to pay for a secure pool fence to be installed out of our own money but we still think it will be worth it.  I haven't seen inside yet as the tenants are away but I will get to have a look on Wednesday afternoon and fingers crossed it is well fitted out with decent furniture and then we will be able to sign a new lease and be living in our new house and hanging by the pool drinking a beer in a months time.

It was a good weekend and good family time and we made some nice memories.

Judd, my prince charming

Every now and then I get a glimpse of how quickly my kids are growing up.  On Monday I laid out Judd's kinder uniform to get him ready for the day and after making lunch and tidying the kitchen I walked back into his room to discover him standing there already dressed and carefully buttoning up his shirt.  The moment only last for about 30seconds but I stood there and watched with mixed emotions of pride and sadness.  I am so proud of him for getting dressed by himself but I am also sad that these are the first steps he will take towards not needing him mumma as much.  He is such a sensitive and gentle boy, I truly adore him.  He knows when I am having a sad day or a hard day and he always comes up to me with a cuddle and a kiss and says such sweet things like " I love you so much mumma, you have the most beautiful eyes" or " mumma you are the best mum, I love you"  I mean whose heart doesn't melt after hearing something like that.  I have said to Marcus on many occasions that Judd will make some lucky girl the best husband and that he should take some tips from Judd on how to say nice things to a lady.
Judd was never a hard baby, just the usual sleep issues and refusing to eat certain foods but he is always well behaved, never hits or hurts anyone and would never say a bad word, even to his sister who bullies him a little bit and steals his toys.  He is so gentle to our new puppy Sticker and says all the time what a beautiful baby girl she is and cuddles her so carefully.  He listens when I speak to him even though he may not do what I ask all the time. 
The only worry I have is how he is going to handle school and kids that bully.  Right now he is in Kindergarten and the children there are very well behaved but there is one teacher for each class and 3 assistants so there is always an adult watching and caring for them, but in Primary or when we go back to Australia the teacher to student ratio is much much greater and therefore the children aren't watched as closely and certain bad behaviour can be missed, I mean why else is bulling such a big problem?  Children aren't mean by nature, it is how they are raised and nurtured and guided through problems.  Parents have the majority of the responsibility but I also believe that schools and teachers have a huge role to play in children's lives and the development of their personalities, we are sending them there 6 hours a day for 5 days a week, they spend more daylight hours with their schools than they do with their parents.  I want to protect Judd with every fibre of my body from mean little children and the nasty things they can say and do but I am also aware that he needs to learn to stand up for himself and defend himself if necessary, not to fight but to learn to be able to rise above unfriendly situations.  I have no idea how to do this and I am sure there are alot of parents who feel the same way. 


Chillin in the back of a baht bus.

I don't want to be a helicopter mum, I want him to grow up knowing that I am here, always, and that he can be independent and an individual but that at the end of the day he comes home to his mum and dad and contributes to the family unit as well.  This of course is many years from now but just look at how fast the last 4 years have gone, pretty soon we will reach this stage of life and I know that I must lay the ground work now in these early years in order to be ready for the rampage of the teenage years.  If he is anything like his dad we will have our hands full but he had a strong loving mother and in the end he turned out more than ok and is the best dad and husband and I am truly very lucky to have married him.

Quality time

Funny how a simple weekend can be so rewarding.  Friday night I arranged for our maid to babysit so Marcus and I could have a date night.  Now this sounds easy but my maid has zero English so I had to try and communicate with her with a Thai/English Dictionary, a wind up clock and a calculator.  I used the dictionary to find the key words like "babysit, night time" etc. and it has each word written in Thai writing so she can read what it is I am trying to say without me having to try and pronounce each word.  I used the clock to position the hands to the times that I wanted her to start and finish and I used the calculator to show her how much I would pay her.  I didn't try to go into what to feed them or how to put them to bed because there are just too many words to look up.  I did however have Lillie already in bed and asleep before she arrived and Judd had a movie to watch and I showed her the time I wanted him to go to bed on my clock and used hand singles of pretending to sleep.  At first when we arrived in Thailand I felt bloody ridiculous but now it comes naturally to used my hands and speak simply.  I cut out all unnecessary words and speak what I call pigeon Thai.  I try not to be condescending or belittling because I am fully aware that I am the visitor in their country and it is not up to them to learn English it is up to me to try to communicate with them. 
So we had success with the babysitter which is awesome because that now means we can have our adult time and be able to get out alot more without dragging the kids along with us and keeping them up too late and it is good for our maid too because for one night of about 6 hours sitting she gets paid nearly double what she earns in one day cleaning. 

So Marcus and I went into town and of course we hadn't planned anything so we wandered around for too long and I got too hot and sweaty.  We ran into a work colleague of Marcus in Walking Street and he invited us to join his dinner party but he couldn't remember where it was and he didn't have a phone to call his friends to ask.  We ended up walking back and forth before I encouraged Marcus to ditch him (as he was blind drunk anyway) because our date night was nearly over and we hadn't even sat down for dinner or a beer.  We eventually stopped to watch a live band and one beer turned into about 6 and the music was so loud our date night turned into us sitting next to each other yelling over the music every time we wanted to say something but the band was so good that we didn't really mind.  Before long it was time to head home but we squeezed in a couple more beers trying to prolong the night.  I think we wandered back home at about 1am which is early for most people but super late for a couple of tired old parents with toddlers that rise at the crack of dawn.  When we got home the house had been completely tidied and the kids were still sound asleep so it was easy to pay our sitter and fall into bed. 

The hang over the next day was excruciating but worth it.  So Saturday was a right off but come Sunday we woke up fresh and decided to take the kids to our favourite beach for the afternoon and spent a relaxing day lying on the sand and watching the kids run about.  It was nice and there was no stress, no yelling and the kids were completely entertained and happy and of course promptly fell asleep within minutes of getting into the car to drive home.

That evening we decided to try a new local restaurant that was recommended to us by a friend and we ordered what we thought was a fair amount of food but when we got it home and opened it up it was more than fair, it was a huge amount of food and it was delicious and I will definitely be going back again.

It was overall a good weekend with minimal fighting and yelling and some good family bonding.  Funny how the simplest things are usually the most beneficial.

Taming Toddlers and Taming Me

Things are just so upside down for me lately. One minute I am up and fully loaded with energy and the next I am so very low. I have been having alot of trouble controlling my daughter Lillie lately. She is testing her boundaries and having some whopper tantrums for the silliest of reasons. I have a short temper and anyone who knows me knows that is true. I try hard to keep my patience but lately it seems like I have no patience what so ever and my strings are pulled so tight they are about to snap. I tried to explain my feelings to my husband the other night but I find it so hard admitting to feeling like a failure as a parent to him. To me its like this, he has a job, he has a boss and he has expectations that must be exceeded in order to succeed in that job. The same goes for me. Being a mum is my job, I quit working, I chose to leave my career and stay home to raise my family so I have multiple layers of expectations that must be met if not exceeded. I have to conform to society - regardless of where we live - My husband has certain expectations of me, my family, his family, friends, teachers, doctors and even strangers on the street will judge me and label me as a good or bad mum. We all do it, we all see the poor mum with the out of control toddler in the shopping aisle and we say to ourselves "Oh my, why doesn't she just stay at home if her child is so badly behaved" or "maybe if she paid her child the attention she deserves she wouldn't be having this tantrum right now" etc etc. Everyone has their own silent opinions. But the biggest expectations I have laid down myself. I want to be the good, patient mother who guides her children through their magnificent childhoods with calm and grace and did I mention patience? I want to savour these young years before we all grow old and forget, I want to enjoy being able to have a husband who can provide for us and allow me not to work so I can stay home with our 2 children that we both so desperately wanted.


But here is the problem, I cannot handle a screaming, tantrum throwing toddler. There I said it, it is out there for the world to know. I don't have the patience. Every night before bed I say to myself that tomorrow will be a new day and I will not yell, I will not fight and I will not lose my temper. The next morning I wake and within about 45 minutes the crying and scratching and fighting over toys starts and I am reduced to yelling and demanding timeouts in order to get us organised enough to be able to get out the door and off to school on time. We only live about 1.5kms away from Judd's school and yet we are constantly 20mins late because they refuse to get dressed when asked, refuse to brush teeth and most of all they refuse to stop fighting with each other over their silly toys. I admitted all of this and more to my husband last night and unfortunately got little in return in the form of comfort or encouragement other than "well just stop yelling" how helpful, shit if I had of known it was that easy I guess I would l have stopped years ago. “Thanks for the valuable advice!” I yell back in frustration. However this morning I did my usual wake up and promise not to yell or lose my temper and for some reason today it worked. I don't know if it was because I vented so much the night before that I felt a sense of release and that an emotional lump of baggage was taken off of my shoulders. Lillie and I had a great day, we actually enjoyed each others company. Yes she tried her usual drama tactics but I somehow distracted her each time and they didn't boil over into an all out screaming match. For the first time in weeks I enjoyed being around my little girl and we had fun. Now it hurts me to say that but it is the God's honest truth and why lie about it when telling the truth and being open and expressing ones feelings (even if the listener stares at me like a plank of dead wood) feels so enlightening. There is also some more light at the end of the tunnel of the terrible 2's. Judd's kindergarten will accept Lillie as a student when she turns 2 in August. So for 3 half days a week she will attend kinder with Judd and learn to play and interact more with kids her own age and also start her learning which I think is a great idea. Judd is bounding ahead at school and he really enjoys learning new things and he even enjoys doing his homework. Lillie still seems so small to be attending school but I look at it more like I would if I was to send her to childcare back in Melbourne for a day or two, it is exactly the same but she just has a uniform and school bag.

I am fully aware of my downfalls as a parent and for this I am grateful so I know what I have to work on, I just wish I had someone who I could talk to about it. Maybe if I put it in Rugby terminology he might listen, maybe.