On Sunday I finally worked up the courage to go into town and see my hairdresser and ask her if she could cut my hair short again. I had been deliberating for a couple of weeks about whether or not I should cut it again. I do this all the time, I cut it short then hate it and then spend months and months growing it long then hate it long so I go back in and cut it short again. I just can never make up my mind. I finally found a style I liked on the Internet and printed it off to take with me but the problem with choosing styles out of books and magazines is that the model always looks gorgeous and has had it perfectly styled. There never seem to be 'realistic' hair styles, ones that show you how it looks for everyday wear and not hours under the hair dryer and straightener.
So I headed into to Central early Sunday morning and thankfully my usual hairdresser was working and I showed her the picture and told her what I wanted. Surprisingly she said yes she could do it, but I had to ask several times if she was sure and confident that she could cut hair that short. The salon I go to charge almost the same as the salons back in Melbourne so one would expect that the hairdressers who work there can cut hair properly.
So 3 and a half hours later I was still there but that was mostly because they tried to put highlights in after they cut the hair short and I wanted a full red colour with brighter tones highlighted throughout, but they put in blonde highlights as best they could with my short hair and then after washing it all out they put the full colour in hoping the blond highlights would take the red on brighter than the rest of my hair. So totally backwards and it took so long I nearly fell asleep in the chair.
But the end result was good, I had to tell her several times not to cut the top of my hair anymore as she already cut it shorter than I wanted and I had to tell her several times not to blow wave my hair as I don't like big puffy hair but in the end we worked it out and I got the style I wanted. I did have to fix it up a bit the next day to make it more manageable. The sole reason for having a short style is for convenience, a quick shower and wash, jump out now blow dry just some product, a scrunch and out the door and so far that is what I have managed.
I had hoped I would have got a bit more encouragement and maybe some compliments from Marcus but lately he is always tired and grumpy and doesn't want to talk or interact with me or the kids. I have told him several times that when he gets home it is the usual 'crazy hour' and that I am worn out by then and tired, and I understand that he is tired too but he doesn't understand that yes he goes to work everyday but my day starts at 6.30 and doesn't end until everything is cleaned up and the kids are in bed which is about 8.30 pm. He thinks its so easy being at home all day, he thinks I sit on the couch and watch TV. I am so tempted to take off for a few days and leave him to handle everything without me. I wouldn't leave any instructions I would just walk away and leave him total responsibility of the house. I had no one showing me what to do I had to work everything out on my own.
It seems lately that all we do is fight over me wanting him to clean up after himself and him telling me to relax. I am so tempted now to have the kids fed, bathed and sorted before he even walks in the door in the evenings so we can avoid all of the arguments. All I expect from him is to do the dishes after dinner and not leave his clothes and belongings lying all over the house. Oh and to pay attention to the kids and play with them before their bedtime. He complains that Judd doesn't cuddle him or talk to him anymore and he wont listen when I try to tell him its because he doesn't give Judd A grade attention, not the occasional nod and grunt while he watches TV. Children crave their parents attention and as hard as it may be sometimes you just have to put down whatever it is that you are doing and be there for them. Yes he may be tired but so am I and I still manage to give the kids what they need. I am just so tired of arguing, I miss it when we used to laugh together and have fun together but now all we do is bicker and some days I can barely stay in the same room as him. I have times when I wonder how on earth we are going to stay married. I wonder do other married couples have these same feelings at times? Or are they still in love like they were when they first met? Surely not. I blame myself alot for having these frustrations but I know I cannot take full blame for our quarrels, he has to take some as well. He wont talk about issues, he never shows interest in my day or my interests (which are few these days as there is not a whole lot to do these days other than clean house and grocery shop). I am tempted to move back home after our initial contract expires so I can do more with my days, go back to study at school or even get a job, anything to make me feel like I am contributing rather then holidaying. But our goal was to stay abroad for 2 years to save enough money to make life more comfortable on our return to Australia and to save for the kids high school education as well. I don't know, I do try, really I do but it is frustrating when I get nothing back in return.
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