Back on home soil but not sure how to feel about it?

Well we landed on Friday morning after a long but fairly painless flight, actually I should say stress free as my back was screaming the entire flight protesting about being stuck in such small crappy seats with arm rests that don't lift up.  I wanted the bulk head seating so we could have some room for the kids and the bassinet for Lillie to sleep in once she passed out from exhaustion but the problem with that is the arm rests don't lift up like the other seats because the food tray is stuck in there.  Didn't think about that part.  So Marcus put on his eye mask, put in his ear plugs, blew up his neck pillow and wrapped himself up in his blanket and promptly fell asleep leaving me to settle the kids and get them to sleep.  Judd I put on the floor with a pillow and blanket but he ended up with me on my lap for a cuddle until he slept then I tried very hard to carefully lay him on the ground without dropping him with a thump in the cramped space between the seats.  Lillie thankfully fell asleep after being cuddled for a bit and I layed her in the bassinet which technically she was too big for but she managed to get at least 4 hours sleep by hanging her legs out the sides.  So that left me to try and get as comfortable as possible in the tiny seats but my back screams when I am sitting for too long and I wanted to lay down so badly I almost cried in frustration.  I eventually got 2 hours sleep but kept getting woken up by the noisy cabin crew gossiping behind the curtains.  I much prefer to fly Thai Airways or Singapore as their levels of service surpass that of Jetstar by miles.  They are attentive, they are considerate and helpful with the children but the Jetstar staff are impolite and make us feel like we are an inconvenience rather than a paying customer providing them with an income and a secure job. 

After we landed and made it through immigration and customs we drove out to find the house we had arranged to rent for the month that we are here.  It was such a beautiful day, it was cool but the warmth of the sun was invigorating. I drove the whole way with the windows down sucking in as much clean fresh air that I could.  It was such a relief to be breathing clean air, I realised then how dirty the air in Pattaya really is.  I was so happy to be home I could have layed on the grass and kissed the ground.  To be on comfortable safe soil again felt amazing. 
Unfortunately once we arrived at the house we were greeted by the property manager who was still in the process of cleaning it, the carpets were filthy, the beds hadn't been made.  I was so disappointed.  Considering the price we pay to rent this house I had much higher expectations.  We ended up dumping the suitcases and going out to our storage facility to collect some personal stuff and my vacuum cleaner as the state of the floors at the house had me worried.  Thankfully when we got back that evening he had just finished but it was obvious his idea of "clean" is not the same as mine.  The next morning after a well deserved sleep in for all of us I started giving this place a good vacuum and dust.  Once I finished and I put away all of the odd cushions and dirty rugs I felt much better about the house and was able to relax.  It is such a nice old house once the dust and dirt is gone.  The furniture is all quite old and mismatched, it feels like grandmas house and has that grandmas house smell too.  But we are so relaxed here, even the kids.  And the best part about it is it is literally 2 doors from the corner of Beach Rd.  All we have to do is walk outside and we are on the walking tracks that run all the way along the beach and parks.  This house were it to go on the market would have to be worth nearly or over a million dollars for location alone.  The rooms are small but warm and it is full of antique furniture and doilies.  Marcus now has it in his head that he would like to live down here by the beach when we eventually return from Thailand.  Which wont now be until July 2012 as we agreed to sign on for another 12 months only 2 days before we flew out.  I am glad we agreed before we came home for this trip as I think it would have been harder to say yes after spending a month here with all the comforts and friends and family.  But it is in our best interests to stay longer so I am happy to return.  However Judd will need to be convinced, he has already told me that he doesn't want to return to Thailand, he wants to stay here.  But Lillie I think will be happy to go back, she doesn't seem to like the cold here at all, and it is really quite cold at the moment, icy rain and wind, something she cant ever remember experiencing as she was only 11 months old when we left.  I do think we will need to buy some more things for the house in Pattaya though, it seems so stark and cold compared to this lovely little warm house and I am sure Marcus feels the same.
Things here in Melbourne really haven't changed much, people are still doing the same things that they were last year, the same issues are being argued about on the news and there may be new politicians and a new prime minister but they are all arguing the same arguments that they were last year.  The cost of living seems to be a bit higher and I am feeling the pinch a bit in my purse, of course it didn't help that I had to buy some new winter clothes for me and both the kids as we didn't take enough to Thailand with us in the first place. 

People are much more stressed here, I can feel it vibrating off people when I go to the shops, stressed out mums trying to get their shopping done with 2 or 3 kids in tow, people complaining over slow or bad service no one seems to have any patience and the funny thing is I was one of those people 8 months ago but something has shifted, I have this new look on slowing my life down and not trying to cram so much into my days.  The Thai attitude of Mai Pen Rai has really rubbed off on me, more than I thought.  It basically means "don't worry about it" or "no worries".  It is used alot in Thailand in cases of people losing their cool or if something has gone wrong.  Keeping a cool heart is very important in Thailand and losing ones patience or cool is a very uncool thing to do especially in public.  When the kids are acting up and we are out shopping I have to keep my cool and not yell or discipline them too much.  I have learnt to just let things slide by, yes the kids are running about the shops but as long as they don't break anything I don't bother about it.  Not the the Thais would care if something was broken as small children get away with everything and anything and they just think it is cute.  Now I am not becoming a passive parent by any means but I am learning to not bother with the small stuff so much.  Yes they are noisy but that's what kids do, yes they are messy but again that's what kids do.  I cannot expect them to behaive like little adults when that is the furthermost thing they can be.  Its not time to grow up and why did I have children if I am just going to yell and them and tread on their fun all the time?

We have only been back for 5 days but already I find it frustrating at how so many Australians seem to be complaining about everything.  Nothing is good enough, no one earns enough, no one is happy enough and the governments and politicians are always terrible and incompetent.  Living in Thailand, seeing real poverty and begging children has opened my eyes to how wonderful Australia really is, how lucky we all are to have been born here and how safe it feels to know that we are from a country where people have rights and opportunities to improve and better themselves, a country that has a government that offers monetary support to all who ask or need it.  But still people complain it isn't enough.  What is enough I ask? When will we know when it is enough? Or will we always be having our hands out for more and waving our arms about in frustration and complaining?
I always knew what a wonderful country we lived in but I never "really" understood until we experienced life somewhere else. 

I have to guard my thoughts I bit I think while we are home, I know several friends of mine would not like to hear me comparing our "grand life" in Thailand to what they have in Melbourne.  But when asked how it feels to be home I will be honest and say on one hand it feels bloody fantastic but on the other the only feeling I can give it is, heavy.  Like the weight of the world that was on my shoulders before we left is just waiting for me to return so it can slump back down on me.  Sounds dramatic I know but that is the difference between living in a city that is so fast paced that the people that live here can barely keep up compared to a country that has never been in any sort of rush to get anywhere.  Yes they drive fast but that is only because they can, given the choice I am sure most Thais would just putt about doing 40km p/h and not mind a bit.

4 more sleeps

Only 4 more sleeps until we fly out to Melbourne and the excitement is starting to set in.  I have started to really think about all the things we will need to pack since we are going to be away for such a long time.  I will need enough toys and books to entertain the kids but not so many that there isn't any room for clothes and other essentials.  We want to keep our costs down as much as possible for this trip as it was unplanned and tacks right onto our planned trip to Phuket which isn't going to be a cheap holiday either.  We have found a house bay side of Melbourne so we will be close to Marcus mum and her partner (easy access for babysitting) and it wont be too far for Marcus to get to and from work each day so we will have more time together and less time spent in the car.  Thankfully we have been offered Marcus mums car for personal use if I need it which will be a godsend as I have alot of friends I want to catch up with and I will need to do a fair bit of shopping as well.  I need to basically re do my entire wardrobe for Thailand, as the weather is usually so consistent and hot we wear the same clothes every week and the shops here all cater to Thais mostly and the sizes are alot smaller fit than in Australia and everything just wears out so much quicker.  I only really like to wear cotton but the downside to that is it wears out so quickly with the hard water and the hard top loader washing machine we have.  So I plan to shop my little head off and amazingly I have Marcus permission as he knows I have barely been able to buy anything for myself these past 8 months.  The fashion styles here are awful as well, puffy sleeves, bows and just plain gross.  I will also have to shop quickly for some winter clothes for the kids as the small amount I brought over with me they have grown out of and it is going to very cold for them when we land.  I hunted down some warmer pyjamas for them in Bangkok but they aren't nearly as warm as they will need to be.  But I love shopping so any excuse works for me.  It is also Marcus birthday while we are home and he wants to hit the town so I also need to plan somewhere to go, who to invite and of course line up some babysitters as well.  Shouldn't be too hard since alot of our family are dying to see the kids.  I am really looking forward to spending time with my girlfriends, I have missed just sitting and having a natural conversation that doesn't involve all the "getting to know you talk".

As I type this Marcus is in Bangkok picking his boss up from the airport and of course the flight was delayed so he will be much later home than we planned.  He has 2 days with him to go over work issues and also discuss our contract extension and whether or not he needs us to stay longer than we originally planned.  We are hoping he does want us to stay as we have had a long term view on our time in Thailand and to pack up and leave with in the next 5 months would feel far too quick.  Things are only now starting to feel like they are settling down, my days don't feel as endless and lonely, we seem to have a crew of friends to hang with on the weekends or catch up with for a coffee at least once a week.  I like the ladies I hang with, they are mostly older than me and their kids are older but its nice not to talk about babies which I normally would if I went to lets say a mothers group or play center.  My entire day is filled with baby stuff so to be able to have conversations about so many other topics is great and they help me to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and at some point I will get my time and some of my personal life back. 
So by the time we go home on Thursday we should be able to answer the inevitable questions of "how long are you going to be living in Thailand for?"
Very exciting week ahead and very very busy.